I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
