My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
barbara walters just said penis...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.