i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.