speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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