the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team