so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.