This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
