dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had to cum in my sink.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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