he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How does one acquire holy water?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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