lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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