My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
