How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
