Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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