Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
