Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
