dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
