Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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