I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
