I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
