And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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