She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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