I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
