dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
