all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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