He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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