I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
