3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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