I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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