"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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