Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
