my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
