It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Couch. On fire.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
