Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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