I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone came in the potted fern
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
