I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
