Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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