Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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