Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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