the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
