every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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