I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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