They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
