There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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