He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
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You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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