I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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