Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
