i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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