i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
