Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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