I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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