Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
