She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
