I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
