so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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