Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
