Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my being single is dangerous.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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