sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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