Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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