the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
that's an acceptable place to lick
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
