I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
