I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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