I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
