worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
