Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Houston, we have a squirter
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
