I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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