Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
