We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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