I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
