god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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