I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
