i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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