you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
