i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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