You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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