Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
