Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
