Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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