Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
