he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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