I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
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I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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