when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
