Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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